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Unlike Tinder, you can create an imaginary name and hide from Facebook friends.

It has come to my attention that there is an epidemic of insularity sweeping across America. Now, I’m not pointing fingers — we’re all guilty of cyber-crushing on a couple dozen unwitting acquaintances with absolutely no intention of actually pursuing any kind of relationship with those people in the flesh.

Show of figuratively bloodied hands: how many times have you been late for something this week because you got sucked into the vacuum of a proper Facebook stalking binge?

Better yet, how many profile picture albums have you committed — frame by frame — to memory?

Do you like doing it in a car on the side of the road? Porn wouldn't be a multi-billion dollar industry if this wasn't true. Most people have fantasies of being watched or caught or having sex in public.