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If she’s a Christian of the vein of “If you don’t accept Jesus as your personal savior, you’ll burn in hell forever” and you are a “Christians are morons”, then not so much. But she’s a “soft” Catholic, and I’m a “soft” non-believer.

It works for us, but there have been some contentious moments.

Either way, we won’t be together anymore, and that’s sad. Rachel is a Christian and I am a heretical Jewish humanist. Christians and people of other faiths are different. I never will be that woman, and while I can understand her, empathize with her, feel pretty in her clothes, and love her deeply, I will never really know the depths of her experiences or the convictions of her beliefs.

How can we fully be together when we don’t share the same spirituality? Christians of different denominations are different. No one will, except God (if you’re into that sort of thing).

How can we unleash the full potential of our marriage if we have a spiritual chasm between us? (If anyone knows Pete, or why he cares about the children, please let me know in the comments—oh, and tell him I want back my copy of As tempting as it was to ignore the problem of our differences and hope it went away, Rachel and I talked about it, and decided that since we valued our marriage too much to leave it to chance, we would be proactive about addressing our differences: we’d do it the hard way. I don’t want to be her Savior, I want to be her husband.

How can we possibly understand each other when we approach life so differently? What is it about Jews and Christians that they need to suffer to feel alive? I want to spend every day getting closer to her and knowing her more, faith and all. By recognizing your own faith, even if it’s belief in mammon—or as Washington Irving called it: “The Almighty Dollar”—you can understand how essential faith is to the core of our being.

Then some bad things happened in my life -- infertility and third trimester pregnancy loss -- and God and I broke up for a while. My job is not to convert him to a believer and his job is to leave my beliefs alone and not mock me for having them (the not mocking part is important). We are both "good, giving, and game." Yes, that term was created by Dan Savage and is meant to tackle sexual turn-ons in relationships (if your partner is into something you're not, you should still try to be good, giving, and game even if you don't want to do that particular act every time), but it also works well with most relationship challenges.

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